The Sharpest Lives
by Lady of the Myst
Summary: Edward leaves and Bella is left to pick up the pieces of her life once again. But she also does some soul searching. Did he ever really love her? My version Bella has a personality, you might not like it if you're pro Bella and Edward!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

So that was it. He'd left me yet again. And again I found myself lying on the ground, only now it was in the meadow where we once lay together, expressing our love and whatever else it is teenaged lovers do. He'd barely been back a month…His words tore open the hole that closed with his presence, adding new lacerations into the mix.

"_Bella, I'm leaving."_

_Again we were out in the woods, his symphonic voice was emotionless, eyes glazed over and blank. I stared at him in disbelief. What reason did he have to leave?_

"_But why?" I choked out, hating how pathetic my voice sounded._

"_Because I don't love you."_

_My body went cold. He didn't love me? That couldn't be possible…_

"_What are you saying? After all we've been through? You promised you'd never leave me, said you needed me as much as I needed you!"_

_He just shook his head, "I'm sorry I lead you on as long as I did, the fact that we're in this situation is my fault."_

_Her eyes narrowed, I couldn't comprehend what he was saying, my mind was muddled, refusing to make sense of it all, "What do you mean?"_

_His amber eyes were on me, the sensation making me want to shrink back into the foliage, "Do you remember how I said your blood sings to me? That it makes me feel as no ones blood has before? I thought that because of these feelings, there may have been a part of my humanity that was salvageable, that I could feel for someone, love them even."_

"_But Edward, you do have humanity-"_

"_Bella, listen to me." He said sternly, "I feel nothing towards you, other than the obvious blood lust. I know I acted as though you meant something to me and I'm sorry about that, I was curious to see if I could ever reciprocate the feelings. But it has been made very clear to me that I can't. All I can think about it how much your blood appeals to me. How much strength of will it takes not to give in and drink it."_

"_But how is this possible?!" I couldn't make sense of the words he spoke, the fell away before registering completely in my brain._

"_Its simple Bella, I am a vampire. Anything will a pulse in my eyes is food. I respect you as a human being but that's all you are. You're an extreme liability and I'm sorry to have kept you thinking that I cared for so long. My actions have put both your family and mine at risk too many times for this to continue any longer."_

"_But what about the Volturi? They'll kill me and you're family if I'm not a vampire!" I was desperate to find a way to make him stay, anything to keep him here a little longer._

_Edward looked away, "They won't have to…"_

_I stopped cold. Was this all a joke? Had he brought me here to turn me?_

_The pain I felt was excruciating, my hands flew to her throat, coming away coated in blood. My eyes were wide, pupils dilated as I watched Edward walk away. His back was the last image in my head as darkness consumed me._

_It was still light out when I regained consciousness, my whole body felt heavy, after-effects from the blood loss. My skin was dry and itchy where the blood had crusted over, my shirt stained red as well as my hair and anything else the blood got to on its way to the ground. Hesitantly I reached up to check the wound, fresh blood coursed through my fingers. How long had I been losing blood? Was I going to die? Most likely, I thought glumly._

_I tried to stand up but the world shifted beneath my and I was on my knees. I looked at where I had been laying, blood had pooled on the ground, making the grass shine with a sickly glow._

_There was rustling in the bushes to my left. I closed my eyes and prayed that it wasn't a bear or some other ravenous creature who had smelled the blood and decided to investigate, that was not the way I wanted to live out my final moments, being eaten slowly and painfully._

"_Bella?"_

_Sam emerged from the trees into the clearing, running over and checking my wound, "What happened?"_

_I shook head, "I don't remember…" My reply was shaky at best, but I barely knew what happened myself, I needed some time to think it over before I told the wolves anything._

_He looked at me suspiciously, but decided to leave well enough alone for the time being. He picked me up and started off in the direction of La Push, "You're taking me to the reservation?" I asked warily, not bothering to resist. I was too weak and even on a good day, any of the wolves could have massively overpowered me._

"_How do you think you're father would react to the way you look right now?" Was all he said, and I knew it made perfect sense. Charlie would go crazy._

"_Besides," He said, almost wistfully, "When Jacob comes back from patrol and sees you, he'll be so pissed off I'm sure he'll get the truth out of you."_

"_Wait Jacob? No! He's gonna blow this way out of proportion!"_

_Now I started to struggle, all in vain, against the brawn that was Sam. Jacob's reaction would probably be worse than Charlie's. Considering that he was a werewolf on top of it all was a scary prospect._

"_Bella, someone slit your throat, we need to know who and why, obviously Jacob is the only one that's going to get anything out of you." Sam said reasonably, but his words were anything but reasonable._

_Sam took me to Emily who brought me into a guest bedroom of her house and treated my wound, putting steri-strips along the laceration to keep it closed once I'd taken a shower and cleaned the blood from my body and hair._

"_You're lucky, this cut isn't that deep, but you should have gotten stitches. Seeing as its too late to do so, these steri-stitches will keep the wound closed and clean." She wrapped some bandages around my neck, keeping them as thin and unnoticeable as possible, "There, now we'll just have to get you a scarf, they're all the rage with you pale-faces during the winter time right?" She asked jokingly._

_My shirt and jacket had been ruined so Emily had to lend me some of her clothing. A white turtle neck and green scarf hid the wound without making it look obvious. I tied my hair into a pony-tail to make it look more casual._

_I was then promptly escorted to the kitchen, Sam standing at my side in case I should fall, and presented with a meal truly fit for a werewolf. Seriously, there was enough to feed an army and then some._

"_I love your cooking Emily, but somehow I don't think that's all going to fit in my stomach…" I said, sitting down at sipping on some juice, my body thrummed, enjoying the sugar rush. Almost instantaneously I was hungry, body craving the nutrients it lost while I was out cold in the forest._

_Emily laughed sheepishly, "I know, I do that to myself most days, its hard to cook small portions when you're used to the voracious appetite of a werewolf."_

_I just nodded in agreement, not wanting to sound rude responding with a mouth full off food. I polished off the eggs, and moved on to a muffin, my hunger seemed insatiable. Emily moved back to the oven and pulled out three loaves of banana bread then to the stove where she flipped a massive skillet full of eggs and one of equally gigantic size full of sausage. It didn't take a genius to deduce that the wolves were coming home from patrol. Suddenly I wasn't so hungry._

"_Um Emily, I need to get back. I never told Charlie I was gone and he's probably about to sent out the troops seeing as I left in the morning and its…" I looked for a clock, finding it above the oven, "Five thirty."_

_Sam sat down across from me, amber eyes blazing, "Bella, the wolves have taken a liking to you but that doesn't mean we're going to let it slide when something happens to you that could result in a larger threat on our people. What were you doing out in the forest?"_

_I sighed, looking down at my half-finished muffin, it was time to put my terribly lying skills to the test, "It was…self inflicted." I added a tremor to my voice, looking down at the ground as though I was ashamed at what I'd done._

"_Then what were you doing out in the woods? And why would you do something like that?" He asked, clearly not buying it._

"_Edward left…I don't really know why I did it, it just kind of happened. And then I panicked and ran out into the woods, I passed out before I got too far though…" Well that answer was…somewhat truthful. Edward had been there, so I wasn't lying…completely._

_Sam just looked at me, "We'll see." He said quietly._

_He looked to the door and stood up, trotting out to the back where the guys would all gather and relay information before coming inside to eat enough to put a small produce store out of business. Emily looked out the window pensively for a moment before taking some keys and dropping them on the floor by my feet, "Oops, how clumsy of me…"_

_She met my eyes and I knew she was giving me my chance to escape, "Silvery Harley in the garage, I didn't see anything. You need a minute, Sam's not being fair. Besides, its not like you could outrun them if you wanted to, they'd find you even with the bike."_

_I snatched the keys and made for the front door, "Thanks, I owe you one."_

_I still didn't feel quite right, my legs wobbled beneath me like jell-o the first couple of steps I took, but I was quick to break into a jog to get to the garage. I found the motorcycle easy enough, wondering which of the wolves' precious bike I was about to play Grand Theft Auto with. I put on a helmet, stuck the key in the ignition and started it, kicking up the stand and taking my feet of the ground, shifting into first and sneaking out of the driveway before shifting into third and speeding out of the reservation._

_I snapped the visor down on my helmet, shifting to sixty on the highway that was surprisingly dead during the dinner time rush, weaving through the occasional string of cars, determined to get home as fast as possible. I knew if I was there with Charlie the wolves wouldn't be able to do anything drastic, and I could try and come up with a good BS excuse. Although I was pretty sure I'd already screwed myself over, having little confidence under Sam's scrutinizing gaze._

_I parked the bike in the driveway, taking the helmet with me indoors. Charlie came down the stairs and looked at me strangely, "Nice bike. Do I wanna know?"_

_I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could given the present situation, "Borrowed it from one of the guys down at the reservation. Got a ride up there and had no way of getting back in time for dinner seeing as they were all busy. I promised I'd bring it back tomorrow if no one was able to stop by and pick it up tonight."_

_Charlie nodded slowly, "You know how to ride that thing?"_

"_Well Jake taught me on some beat up old dirt bikes he fixed up a while back but yeah I do." I could feel myself bouncing nervously on the balls of my feet, itching to get up to my room, "Did you eat yet?" I asked, hoping he didn't wait for me._

"_Yeah, made pasta, the leftovers are in the fridge for when you get hungry." He got a can of soda and walked into the living room to go watch some big sports game that was on tonight. Wait…sports. Oh no…_

"_Dad?" I asked cautiously, heart sinking into my stomach._

"_Yeah Bells?" He called from his spot on the couch._

"_Is Billy coming over to watch the game with you tonight?"_

"_Yeah he should be here any minute why?"_

_Oh shit. _

_I was never big on obscenities, but it was extremely hard not to curse out loud. If Billy was coming to watch the game, and dad wasn't going to pick him up, that means that Jacob was probably tagging along to drive him over. I suddenly felt faint, only this time blood loss had nothing to do with it._

"_No reason, I was just curious." I said, trying to play it off as though I wasn't going to be interrogated by the big bad wolf on steroids, "I'm gonna go up in my room and rest, I have a migraine, it was long day. Good night in case I fall asleep."_

"_Alright, 'night Bella."_

_I walked up the stairs, tossing the helmet onto my bed before grabbing some pink pajama pants and a black racer-back tank top, changing quickly in the bathroom. Confident that Charlie would be downstairs watching the game until late into the night, I took my hair down and brushed it out, not bothering to cover my bandages with a scarf. I threw my dirty clothes into my hamper and made my way to the bedroom slowly, making as little noise as possible._

"_That was some stunt you and Emily pulled back there, Sam's not happy with you for running away."_

_My body screamed 'run' but know who was behind me, I had little choice but to stop and turn around. I plastered a phony smile onto my face, "Why hello Jacob, its nice to see you as well. How are you doing? Its been so long."_

"_Cut the crap Bella." He said shortly, looking at the bandages around my neck, "What happened to you in the forest today?"_

_I started backing into my room, ready to slam the door and lock it, "Edward left…-"_

"_Yeah Sam told me, Edward left, you didn't know what to do with yourself so you tried to slit your throat, realized you were being a dumb ass, panicked and got lost in the forest. I don't even think you can fool yourself into believing that lie Bella. Its total bullshit." Jake hissed._

"_Look I don't want to talk about this."_

_I closed the door as quickly as I could but he caught it. I braced my weight against the door and pushed with all of my strength, socked feet slipping on the hardwood flooring. Jacob barely seemed to be trying as he opened the door, letting the force of my weight shut it for him. He was getting angrier by the second. I stumbled, having moved too fast and too much. I made my way over to the bed and laid down, burying my head beneath the covers, maybe if I played the sick card he'd go away, damsels in distress made guys think twice about being mean right?_

_Jake came over and pulled them away, "I don't think so. You're going to talk to me Bella." So much for that…_

"_What do you wanna know?" I asked, sitting up and crossing my legs, putting my head in my hands._

"_For starters why your throat is slit open. And I know when you're lying so cut the crap and just tell me. I won't leave until I get a straight answer." He said sternly, standing at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed._

"_Whatever happened to respecting your elders?" I tried in a feeble attempt to stall him._

"_Do you think the way your acting is something I should respect?" He bit back._

_I sighed, this wasn't something I wanted to talk about, especially not with Jacob. But what choice did I really have? Throwing myself out of the window in an attempt to escape didn't seem like such a smart idea._

"_Edward brought me into the woods today…said he wanted to go for a walk. We got to the clearing and he said that he was leaving, that he never loved me. He apologized for leading me on, said he wished he'd never let it go on this long…" I risked a glance at Jacob, his gaze was intense but unreadable, "I told him about how the Volturi was going to kill him family if I wasn't turned, I thought that would be the one way to make him stay…but he said the Volturi wouldn't be after either of our families and then he cut me…" My voice shook, I was still in shock that the whole thing had actually happened._

_I could hear Jacob's labored breathing as he fought to keep his emotions in check, "Why would he do something like that? He was trying to kill you?"_

_I shook my head slowly, clutching at he neckline of my tank top while I thought, "I don't think so, there are so many other ways, especially if you're out in the woods. He could have thrown me off of a cliff or torn me up and made it look like an animal got to me…I think that, he wanted to make it look like I was dead, but not actually kill me, which is why he did it out in the forest, where one of you were most likely to find me while on patrol."_

"_Why would he do something like that in the first place?"_

_I sighed, "One of the vampire leaders has the ability to see all thoughts with the touch of a hand, Edward probably wanted to be able to say that he killed me to keep me and his family safe. Being around you will also keep me clouded from Alice's psychic visions, it's a fool proof plan." The thought should have been comforting, that Edward had gone through such lengths to keep me safe. But he only did so he'd never have to bother with coming back._

"_Leave it to the blood-sucker to have this planned out." He seethed._

"_Don't talk about him like that!" I snapped, my voice taking on a harsh tone. _

" _He tried to kill you, Bella, and all you can say is that he was trying to keep you safe?" His voice was getting louder by the second, pretty soon Charlie and Billy would be up here to investigate._

"_Shh, Jake, Charlie and Billy are going to hear-"_

"_I don't care! Bella, what he did to you was wrong!"_

_I could feel my eyes start to tear up, did he have to rub it in my face? I took a breath a shook my head, "Don't you think I know that?"_

"_No, because you're still defending him!"_

_Something inside me snapped, I was done having this conversation, "Get out Jacob, go downstairs and give me some space." I whispered._

_He seemed to calm down at my reaction, "Bella-"_

"_Go…" I looked up, tears threatening to fall, "Or I'll scream."_

_Jacob looked at me for a moment before backing towards the door, a mix of guilt and anger clear in his auburn eyes. He knew he had to be careful about what he did next because if I actually did scream, he'd never see me again, Charlie would make sure of it. Neither of us wanted that. Despite the way I felt at the moment, I knew I couldn't bare to see Jacob gone. He was the rock in my life, even though recently he had seemed to crush me as often as support me._

_I held in my tears until the door and closed behind him, collapsing into my pillow and sobbing._

_Edward was gone…_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

I spent the next three days in bed, not eating, not speaking, not even sleeping, just existing, if you could even call it that. Charlie had tried to get me out to eat the first few days, but my repeated refusals finally got to him and he left me to my own devices, though I could hear him open my door at night to check my breathing, making sure I hadn't killed myself while in solitude.

My head was in a fog as I replayed Edward's latest disappearance over and over in my head. How could he leave me? How could he just get up and go, dropping everything we had?

_Because you had nothing, _an inner voice hissed, _you never did. He made that extremely clear when he slit your throat. Regardless of the reasoning behind his actions, the message was clear: I am dangerous, the world I live in is deadly. Stay out. Now get out of bed and take a shower, you're disgusting and pathetic sitting here like you're beating heart just walked out the door!_

"I think it did…" I replied to the open air. I was talking to myself? Oh great, I'm pathetic _and _crazy.

_No, I think you're brain did. After all you've been through to put yourself back together after the first time he left, are you really a big enough bimbo to let everything fall apart again? Haven't you learned anything? You're young, giving you're heart out to someone like that so completely is stupid. Teenage romances hardly ever end up in anything but divorce and court battles over joint custody of children conceived when you're underage._

Well…the crazy bitch in my head did have a point…

I got out of bed, throwing the covers off and shivering as my feet hit the cold floor. My clothes felt stiff from laying in them so long and my hair felt a little stringy. I crossed my arms over my chest and hunched forward, bracing myself against the chill in my room. Heat was one of the many things I'd neglected while in my slump.

I pulled my turtleneck up to my chin as I walked out into the hallway, Charlie came out of the bathroom, looking surprised to see me, "Feelin' okay Bells?" He asked, looking me over to check my condition.

I gave a quick nod, "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Your friend from school…Jessica I think, came by yesterday to drop off your assignments so you wouldn't fall behind. I told her to tell the school you'd come down with pneumonia."

I smiled a little, "Thanks dad…what time is it?"

"About five, I was just getting ready to go to work. I figure you'll want to stay home today and catch up on school work."

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. But first I think I'm gonna take a quick shower…"

Charlie nodded awkwardly, scratching the back of his head, "Well okay, you go do that and I'll see you tonight when I get home. How about we go out to dinner? I was thinking some place like that sports bar down by the mall. You look like you need to get out."

At one point in time I may have said no, I may have been too consumed by my emotions to get out of bed and hold a conversation, much less function enough to go out and have dinner among other people. But that was then and this is now. The chance to get out was extremely appealing, "Sounds great dad."

"Alright Bella, see you then." He gave me one of those quick hugs, the kind that said he cared but wasn't one of those overly emotional people and signs of affection were sometimes awkward for him. I smiled at the sentiment.

Charlie was gone by the time I got out of the shower. I got dressed in a black t-shirt and some over-sized grey sweatpants, the kind I tried to avoid wearing around Edward, bum clothes like these didn't really seem like the appropriate attire when in his sophisticated presence. I scoffed at how much I had been subconsciously changing myself for him while he'd been around, how I wanted to seem as though I was on his level; even though that was far from the case.

I shook my head, not really in the mood to dwell on the thought of how pathetic I was when I was trying to pick myself up enough to function. I brushed my hair into a pony tail, taking a moment to look at the wound on my neck. The cut was fairly shallow, it probably should have been treated with stitches but the bleeding had stopped in the three days and a scab was starting to form over the laceration. I carefully cleaned it and decided to leave it unwrapped for a few hours and let the air get at it. So long as Charlie wasn't home, it wasn't a big deal that I was walking around like an extra out of some horror flick.

I turned up the heat when I got downstairs, noting that the whole house was frigid. Charlie was Spartan when it came to resistance to the cold. The rest of us however, didn't share his robustness.

On the kitchen table sat a large stack of books and papers. I leafed through them: Spanish, AP Chemistry, English, Calculus, Western Thought, Philosophy…there was a good five hours of work here. I sighed, after spending three days in a hopeless depression, the thought of schoolwork was highly unappealing. Part of me wished I'd just sucked it up and gone to school, though I knew my head wouldn't have been in it and I'd be even further behind then I was now.

I went to the fridge and got an apple, taking a bite and recoiling into myself as my stomach cramped in hunger as it finally received the food it'd been denied for the past three days. Note to self: Lying in bed for three days does more harm than good. You get hungry, you get smelly, you get pale, you get unmotivated and you get way more tired than you were when you started off.

Four hours later I had the brunt of my homework done and was back up in my room, typing up an essay due at the end of the week for English. The prompt was basically to pick one of the short stories we'd read in class during the unit and analyze theme and setting and all of the elements of literature and how they helped to make the story a good piece of literature. Children dying, people's eyes exploding, mother's beating their daughters. With such happy choices, it was honestly hard to choose which one I wanted to write about. Why were the stories we read in English all so depressing anyways?

The phone rang, interrupting my train of thought.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's Charlie."

"Oh hey dad, what's up?"

I'm gonna get out at about five thirty so why don't I just pick you up in the cruiser and we'll go straight to the restaurant. I'm getting hungry and I don't really need to stop home for anything."

"Alright, no problem."

"How are you doing Bella? Every thing alright today?"

"Yeah, I just got done with my homework, I've been fairly productive today."

"Good…good." He sounded pensive, I could just imagine him leaning back in his chair thoughtfully, "Well then I'll see you at about quarter of."

"Alright, bye dad."

At about five o'clock I cleaned my room, opening the window to air it out and changing my sheets. I even lit some candles to make the room smell less musty. I then thought about what I was going to wear for dinner with Charlie tonight. The ninety-nine was a fairly casual restaurant. I looked down at what I was wearing and shrugged, nothing was ripped or dingy, why not? I threw on a black turtle-neck sweater and zipped it all the way up, shutting my window and going down stairs to put my shoes on and wait for Charlie to come and pick me up.

He beeped and I came jogging out to the cruiser, getting in and turning on the heat, "Jeeze dad, it's freezing!"

"Well you should wear more layers, then maybe you wouldn't be so cold." He said with a huff, backing out of the drive way.

He glanced over at me from the side, "You're looking a little pale Bella…"

"Yeah, I just need to get out and get some sun, which is kinda hard to do in a rainy place like Forks…"

"You'll bounce back soon, just give it some time." He said, his grip on the steering wheel shifting awkwardly.

"Yeah I know dad, don't worry about me." I tried to smile but it faltered. I meant what I said with every fiber of my being, but my heart wasn't quite over the betrayal yet. It still needed a little longer to sulk and be anti-social.

We got to the restaurant and Charlie lead us past the hostess and into the dining area.

"Um dad, we have to go back and get seated..." I said, glancing back to make sure no one was following us.

"Actually, I saw Billy and Jacob earlier today and told them about our dinner plans," Charlie said sheepishly, "Billy said that they were going to be in town for the day and I figured you'd like the company so I invited them and they got here early to reserve a table for us. I didn't think you'd mind…"

I shook my head, "No its fine."

No it was most certainly not fine! I did NOT want to see Jacob right now. I'd rather have my intestines torn out and fed through a paper shredder! Okay…maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but I did not want to see him. I felt foolish over the way I'd reacted a few days back, and I was still sore over the things he'd said…Even if now I could admit that he was right…well at least to myself. Admitting it to his face would be another matter entirely.

Charlie smiled, I could tell he was happy that I was willing to be around people, "Alright, let's go."

Jacob and Billy were hard to miss in a crowd. Especially when the 'crowd' is practically nonexistent. Billy was seated out at the end of the booth to accommodate his wheelchair and Jacob was sitting in the seat, his dark gaze homing in on me and focusing with dizzying intensity. His aura was suffocating as we got closer, I second guessed myself, would I really be able to sit there and look him in the eyes?

I slid into the seat across from him, plastering on my most convincing smile as I glanced at Billy, "Hey Billy."

He nodded to me, "It's good to see you Bella, you haven't been around the reservation in a while, I was beginning to worry."

I laughed sheepishly, "Oh yeah well I caught something over the weekend being out in the cold for too long, I wasn't feeling well the night you and Jake came over and I guess it just kept getting worse. But I'm feeling better now."

"Good to hear." Despite his words, his gaze was suspicious, I quickly glanced down to fiddle with my silverware.

Billy and Charlie exchanged greetings before he was seated next to me. I finally risked a glance at Jacob who looked at me briefly from over his menu, face unreadable.

A bouncy blonde waitress came over to the table and took our orders, Jacob ordered something with a lot of meat. I just got some fish and chips, wondering how well my stomach would handle a solid meal after being deprived for so long.

"Alright, you're order will be right up!" She chirped, bounding off to go take someone else's order.

Charlie glanced over at the bar and did a double take, "Hey Billy, did you know that there was a game tonight?" He asked, looking up at the flat screen over the bar.

Billy nodded, "I heard about it on the radio on the way here."

"Well let's go watch it. You kids don't mind if me and Billy go over to the bar area and watch the game do you?" Billy asked, looking from me to Jacob and then back to me.

I sighed, knowing that it was going to get extremely awkward if it were just me and Jake.

"No problem Charlie, me and Bella will be fine over here."

I resisted the urge to jump over the table and strangle Jacob as he flashed Charlie a charming smile, "I could catch her up on what she's been missing on the Res while she's been sick."

Charlie nodded, standing up and pulling out Billy's wheelchair from the table so that he could maneuver it away. Wait! Don't leave me! I wanted to shout out as I watched them walk away. But I knew I was just being childish, they'd just think I was finally going insane.

"So how's your neck?" Jacob asked, propping his elbows up on the table and leaning forward in a casual way.

I tugged at the zipper on my collar to assure myself that it was up all the way, "Scabbing over, it doesn't hurt much, mostly itchy." I said, glancing off to the side.

"Bella look at me."

Our eyes connected and I was surprised to find no anger within his gaze, just worry, "Look I'm sorry about over reacting the other day. I didn't mean to blow up on you like that."

I shrugged one shoulder, stirring the straw of my water with the tip of my finger, "I was being stupid, it's alright."

"But you shut yourself in your room for three days. Whenever I came to see you Charlie always said that you were sleeping. I'd thought that'd you'd gone into shock or comatose or something. I thought that it was my fault."

I looked him dead in the eyes, "No Jake it wasn't your fault. You told me the truth and I just didn't want to accept it. Its my own fault. But I'm going to turn this around. I'm not helpless anymore."

Jacob smiled in a mischievous way, "Sure you are, so long as there's a rogue vampire on your tail and you run with a pack of wolves, you're always helpless. But we've got you're back."

I leaned back in my seat, crossing my arms over my chest, "Yeah and I've got a shot gun."

Jacob laughed, "We'll see if you still have a shot gun after you fire it. The recoil alone is gonna send you into next week."

I took my straw out of my drink and flung water at him. Laughing at the face he made before he mimicked me. I laughed as the water splashed my face and hair. We're lucky the waitress came shortly after the first drops of water were flung, the whole glass may have been next.

I was feeling a little better after dinner with Jacob. It was nice to be able to laugh with my best friend again. Things had been so tense with Edward around. Both of them were always ready to fight. At first I'd thought it was jealousy mixed with natural instinct to kill the predator. But now I realized the only jealousy had been coming from Jacob all this time. For Edward, his hostility was purely a reflex to the danger around him.

_There you go, thinking about him again. When are you going to learn that nothing good is going to happen if you keep dwelling on the past and a relationship that was never going to go anywhere. You said you weren't going to be helpless anymore Bella, so start acting like a girl who can get through a breakup with a tool and move on!_ The voice inside my head cried, clearly frustrated.

Edward wasn't a tool…he was a vampire.

_Psh, what's the difference?_

I guess she had a point…

_Yes, I do have a point. Maybe now that you're life doesn't revolve around some guy who obviously doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you could focus on your friends at school who haven't seen you in five days and are probably worried sick over you. Spending some time with them and trying to show them that you're not a lost cause can't hurt._

I nodded to myself as I walked into my room and flopped over onto my bed, reaching lazily onto the nightstand to turn on my alarm. I may be going crazy after this whole ordeal, hearing voices in my head, but at least the voice gave good advice, even though she wasn't much of a motivational speaker. Within minutes I was asleep, and force the first time in months, I was ready to wake up and face the world as Bella Swan, high school senior. Not Bella Swan, girlfriend of Edward Cullen. The thought was both gratifying and scary as I drifted off into oblivion.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Three:**_

_**The next morning I got ready for school in a daze, still half asleep. I pulled on a white turtleneck and some jeans with my snow boots before bundling up in my heavy winter coat, grabbing an apple, and running out the door to my truck. I ended up having to run back in and grab my backpack, having left it on the kitchen counter along with the flash drive that held my finished essay on it.**_

_**The ride to school was treacherous, it had snowed just hours before I'd woken up and black ice littered the road. I took a turn going onto a main road and the back end of my truck spun out, almost colliding with another car. I was bombarded with beeping horns and angry shouts, but I wasn't the only one to nearly spin out on that side of the road. I was just glad that I made it to the school before someone actually lost all traction and hit a snow bank.**_

_**I got out of the car and glanced at the mess unfolding down at the intersection, shaking my head at how close I had been to being involved.**_

_**The school was bustling with activity, kids trying to beat the bell to homeroom while getting the books they needed for their morning classes. Some chattered among themselves about plans they had for the day or the weekend, some were complaining about the fact that there was school when it was snowing, even if there was minimal accumulation. **_

_**I went to my locker and hurried off to homeroom, stepping inside just as the bell rang, shaking the snow and water out of my hair. I could feel the gazes of my classmates on me. I could tell they were all sizing me up, no doubt having linked my absence to the Cullen's disappearance. Is she sane? Is she suicidal? What's with her?**_** You didn't have to be Edward to read the minds of the kids in this school, the questions were plain as day in their expressions.**

**Outside the air started to warm up, the snow shifting to rain, turning any accumulation into slushy messes. Some students rejoiced because they didn't have to shovel when they got home and the drive home was going to be much easier. Some kids complained because there was no doubt that we were having school tomorrow.**

**By the time lunch rolled around I was about to go insane. I'd gotten so many strange looks within the past four hours that I was ready to go home, if only that would actually solve my problem. Unfortunately another disappearance would probably do more harm than good if I wanted people to think that I was actually sane, something I've been seriously starting to doubt lately…**

**I sat down at the table with my friends and they all gave me looks, not eating, just staring. I put down the yogurt I was in the process of opening and met their inquiring gazes, "What? Am I not allowed to sit here anymore?"**

**Jessica seemed to be the first to snap out of the daze, "Its not that…we're just surprised to see you…seeing as the Cullen's are gone and all that."**

**I gave them my best confused look, "Oh really? Edward and me broke up on Friday night, I didn't know he was moving away and frankly I don't care, I've been in bed the past few days with pneumonia, the last thing I need is his drama to make me sick again."**

**They all looked at me like I'd sprouted another head, "Really? You two broke up? After all this time?" Eric asked, leaning forward eagerly.**

**I shrugged, "Yeah it was a mutual thing. I mean I still kinda liked him but let's face it, things just weren't working out between us. It was better for the both of us that its over." I was surprised at how much conviction I had in my voice despite the fact that I was spouting baloney. Maybe if I said it enough I could fool myself into thinking it was the truth. In my defense, I was pretty much over Edward and I was pressing on with my life, I just wish it happened as I described it. Pneumonia and mutual separation beats out three days of heartbreak and who knows how many days of wearing scarves and turtlenecks by a long shot.**

"**Wow Bella I'm so sorry." Jessica said sympathetically, "Even mutual break-ups are tough sometimes."**

**I smiled at her, sticking my spoon into my yogurt and stirring it, "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all right?" I said with as careless a laugh as I could muster, "I'm not saying it didn't hurt, because it did, but I'm over it, it was a phase and I'm over it."**

**I could tell they wanted to press the issue but I really didn't want to talk about Edward anymore, I was trying to forget him, "So what are you guys up to this weekend? Anything good?"**

**They all looked a bit thrown off at my sudden change in topic. Eric shrugged, "No nothing particularly interesting, why?"**

**I shrugged, looking as nonchalant as possible, "Well I was going through my closet and realized that I might as well rename it monochrome city, there really isn't much color and its depressing."**

**Mike and Eric's faces screwed up at the prospect of going shopping, "I think we're gonna have to pass on that." Mike said, Eric nodded his agreement.**

**Jessica rolled her eyes, dismissing the boys with a wave of her hand, "Well that's their loss, I was planning on going into town and getting some new clothes for winter myself. How about you Angela?"**

**Angela nodded enthusiastically, "Sounds good, maybe I could get some early Christmas shopping done before I blow all of my money on books."**

"**Christmas?" Jessica asked, "it's a little early for that don't you think?"**

**Angela shook her head, "Have you seen the way I spend money on books? I'm going to need a lot more time than this if I'm going to get presents for everyone."**

"**Books? I haven't read anything good in a long time, do you have any suggestions?" I asked, eager to keep the conversation as far away from myself and Edward as possible. The tension at the table was finally starting to ease up, I had managed to convince them that for the time being I was fairly sane.**

**Angela seemed to light up at the mention of books, "Well there's this really good series called Wicked Lovely, its about faeries that live among the humans but we can't see them unless they want to be seen. And the main character has the sight which allows her to see through the glamour the faeries cast on themselves. It's interesting."**

"**It sounds cool, I'll have to look it up." I scribbled the name and author down on the inside cover of my notebook so that I could look into getting the book at another time as the bell rang for us to pass to her fifth period class. Only three more to go before I was free to go back to my house, catch up on homework, and plan out the rest of my week.**

"**So Friday sounds good?" I asked Jessica as we got up to leave.**

**She nodded quickly, throwing her books into her bag, "Yeah definitely, I'll pick you up at your house at five thirty? We can go out for dinner."**

"**Sounds good." I said, doing my best to smile reassuringly.**

"**All right cool, talk to you later." She waved and ran to watch up with her friends from another class, leaving me along to throw out my tray and walk out to English all by myself. I guess they were all so used to leaving without me by now that it just came naturally to them. It was funny in an ironic sort of way.**

**The rest of the school day was uneventful…well once you got passed the people staring at me like I was a freak show. You'd think after seven and a half hours I'd be used to it by now…I guess not. I desperately hoped that by tomorrow they'd stop watching me like I was Britney Spears, the hair's not coming off any time soon I promise.**

**The roads had cleared up by the time I got home, the slush on the streets from the morning having run off into the sewers. The ground was dusted with mushy, white flurries, but the snow was probably going to be completely gone by tomorrow morning. As chilly as today was, it was more rainy than anything, the snow was not yet here to stay which I was thankful for, it was barely November, I wasn't ready for an early Forks winter. **

**As I pulled into the driveway I saw a flash of Auburn out of the corner of my eye. My head snapped to the side just long enough to see a pair of deep brown eyes staring out at me from within the forest not too far away from my house, the sight of Jacob comforted me, true to his word, he would see that I was safe at all times. I thought briefly that he must be freezing, until I remember his outrageous body temperature. As cold as it was right now, I highly doubt he was feeling it.**

**I walked into the house and tossed my backpack onto this kitchen table, going upstairs and changing my bandages, making sure my turtleneck was on comfortably, before going back downstairs and getting dinner ready for me and Charlie. I brought my laptop down and played some XM radio through the internet. I must have clicked on a rock station because that's all I heard but no one was screaming and it was giving me something to dance to so I wasn't about to start complaining. The song finished up and another one started, quick and quiet, the bass thrummed through my body as the singer's voice came on in a haunted whisper. I found myself stopped dead, listening to the lyrics.**

"_**There's a place in the dark where the animals go, you can take off your skin in the cannibal glow. Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands, drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo."**_

**Well I could certainly relate to those lyrics. I turned back to seasoning the chicken, hopping from foot to foot as the tempo picked up coming to the side realization that I was a dork who had absolutely no rhythm. I probably looked like a chicken on a bed of coals dancing around my kitchen…**

**I jumped at the knock on the door, walking over and opening it to see Jacob grinning like his old self, "Hey Bella, I was wondering if you wanted to come down to the reservation for a while with me and see the guys."**

"**I just started making dinner though…" I murmured, looking over at the chicken cooking happily in the oven.**

"**I called Charlie and asked him if I could come pick you up, he said it was cool and to just leave the oven on because he'll be home in a little while."**

**Oh, so he went to Charlie first, he wasn't giving me much of a choice.**

"**Sure."**

**Jake grinned, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, "Cool, lets go."**

**I grabbed a rain coat and got into the Rabbit, while Jacob climbed into the driver's side, his proximity and body temperature made turning on the heater unnecessary. That was something I found comforting about him, he was always warm, passionate, alive. I found my thoughts drifting back to Edward, cold, dispassionate, alive but not living. It was then that I realized it was going to be hard to look at Jacob without making comparisons to the vampire I'd thought I was in love with. It made me feel guilty, even if the comparisons were in Jacob's favor.**

**Jacob was silent during the ride to the reservation, his eyes focused on the road. I looked at him for a while before I spoke, "So who put you up to this?"**

**He started, seemingly jarred out of his thoughts by my voice, "What are you talking about?"**

"**Well you're ignoring me for one thing, and you're so serious, you're not acting like someone who wants to hang out."**

**Jake glanced over at me briefly and shook his head, "No I do want to see you, I miss how often you used to come to the reservation. And now that he's gone you can come all the time…I'm just distracted…"**

**I remembered how obsessed I was with Edward, I'd shut everyone out, blown off my friends and the wolves because I'd wanted to be seen as acceptable in Edward's eyes, I'd set fire to so many bridges, I just hoped they hadn't all crumbled completely. I wondered if my relationship with Jacob was ever going to be the same. I'd taken his friendship and loyalty for granted and even though he tried to act the same around me, I could tell he felt strained, especially now. I'd done some serious damage and I was going to have to make up for it and show him how sincerely sorry I was.**

"**Jake? I'm sorry about everything that had happened with Edward and me, how much pain it caused you, forcing you to divide your loyalties between your clan and me, that wasn't fair of me. I…I knew it then I just didn't want to admit it now and I'm a bitch for it…"**

**Jacob looked pain, as though something had been set off. He kept his gaze on the road, hands gripping tighter to the steering wheel, "Bella-"**

"**No Jake, I need to say this, I owe you an apology."**

"**No you really don't."**

"**What, are you not even going to hear me out? You don't have to accept it but at least let me get it out to you so I know I tried."**

**By now we'd parked in Jacob's driveway. He opened the door and bolted out of the car. I threw open my door and was hot on his heel, "Jacob please listen to me!"**

**He stopped abruptly, I almost ran into his back, "Jake-"**

"**I'm sorry Bella…" He sounded said, I paused.**

"**Jake. what are you-"**

**He stepped out of the way, no longer obscuring my view of Sam being flanked by Quil and Embry of either side of him. My eyes narrowed, I took a step back, "Jacob, what's going on?" I growled.**

"**Jacob told us what happened to you the day I found you in the forest." Sam said evenly.**

**Somehow I knew he would, it was his obligation to the pack, but that didn't help ease the betrayal I felt over the fact that he was the one, quite literally, throwing me to the wolves. I stood as tall as I could and lifted my chin defiantly, "Alright, so you know the truth, what do you want from me now? To rub it in? You were right and I was wrong. There. I said it. So back off already."**

**I knew I was acting like a bitch but Sam looked like he meant business and I'd heard the same song one too many times. How was I supposed to get over it and move on if the one mistake I made was constantly being rammed back down my throat?**

**Sam's tone stayed even, but I could tell he was getting annoying with my lack of cooperation. He was going to learn that I wasn't one of his bitches whether he wanted to admit it or not, I was done being over powered and controlled, even if it meant going against the grain of a few werewolf pelts.**

"**Bella, I'm not here to tell you what you already know, I just want you to know the new rules we've put in order incase you should see Edward again. That way there won't be any surprises. If you'd be so kind as to stay quiet long enough for me to tell them to you. Or are you going to try to bite my head off again?"**

**I crossed my arms over my chest, "No I'm done ranting to you, Jacob's the next to get an earful but that can wait, I'm curious to hear what you have to say."**

**I saw Jacob wince and got a strange sense of satisfaction from knowing that he felt guilty. But knowing him his guilt would be short lived so I hoped Sam made it quick so I could seize up on the opportunity and make **_**him **_**feel like the one who messed up for once in his life. **

"**Since we've extended our borders to patrol out around forks to make sure Victoria can't get to you, our new set rules for the Cullen's extend that far as well. Because Edward attacked you, be it in an aggressive manner or not he still harmed a human which goes against the treaty we had set forth with them before, the wolves are to kill him on sight. Should any other Cullen come to Forks, they will be under close surveillance and killed on sight should they show any aggression towards another human being."**

**Some irrational part of me was angered that no one but me could see why Edward had done what he did to me back in the forest and thought that it was unfair that he be sentenced to death for trying to right the wrong he did by bringing me into the world of the supernatural. But the more rational (and more often than not bitchy) part of my brain saw this as an opportunity to keep him away from my thoughts and out of my mind. Edward would hear of his death warrant and no doubt stay away because of it as long as he knew I was safe. Without having to worry about seeing him ever again, eventually I would stop thinking about him all together and that was a good thing. **

**I relaxed my stance and nodded slowly, "Alright, thanks for telling me…I guess…" I really didn't know what to say. Was I supposed to thank the leader of a werewolf back for sentencing by ex-boyfriend who happened to be a vampire to death for cutting open my throat so that the vampire leaders wouldn't come trying to kill me for knowing too much about there world? Yeah…didn't think so…**

**Quil and Embry backed off from Sam's flanks, no longer needed now that it didn't matter if I was going to bolt or not. The message had been delivered, I could do what I pleased with the information and react however I wanted, not that I saw fit to act any differently that I was now, what good was flipping out going to do when it was around a pack of massive guys who could snap me like a twig?**

"**Bella don't take this as a personal attack, we're not doing this specifically to hurt you, we're doing this to protect our people as well." Same said as the wolves started dispersing, going off to do their own things.**

**I knew Sam was telling the truth to some extent, but I also knew him and the rest of the wolves had been chomping at the bit to have a reason to run the vampires out of Forks since they'd come and signed that treaty all those years ago and this was just the sort of thing they needed.**

"**I understand, don't worry about me." I said, "But I'd like to ask a favor."**

**Sam nodded his head slowly, signaling that he'd hear me out on my request, "What is it?"**

"**Can I borrow that Harley again?"**

"**No, that bike cost me too much, but I have a Ninja you can borrow…why?"**

"**Because I'd like to go home now, if I'm quick I can make it home for dinner."**

**I cast a withering look at Jacob who glared back at me defiantly, the guilt was gone now that I'd retaliated, but I wasn't going to take his sneaky antics, there were other ways to have handled this. I couldn't have fought him if he'd wanted me to come, he didn't have to lead me on like that. Sam sighed, running his hand through his short, black hair, "Alright, come with me."**

**I followed Sam back to his garage and he handed me the keys to a black Kawasaki Ninja. It was sleek and smaller than the Harley but would definitely go faster. He handed me a black helmet and shook his head, "Avoiding him isn't going to make this situation better you know."**

"**Yeah but I need some time to cool off or I might break my hand trying to bash his thick skull in." I growled, pulling on the helmet, "I don't like it when my best friend goes behind my back like that. I **_**apologized to him, for everything! And you'd think maybe he'd come out with the truth then, you know, tell me how he messed up, I still would have been mad but I'd get over it a hell of a lot quicker, I wouldn't have felt like he'd stabbed me in the back."**_

_**Sam came to stand in front of the bike as I got on, the front wheel was between his legs, hands on the handle bars, "Listen to me Bella, you need to think rationally, don't just go blazing out of here at seventy miles an hour because you're pissed off."**_

_**I started up the bike and he backed off, "Don't worry I'm not going to, I just need some space. Can one of the guys come and pick the bike up tomorrow?"**_

_**Sam took another step back and looked at me, "Why don't you just keep it? It's a little small for me and Emily isn't too big on riding. It may not be as sturdy as your truck but at least you don't have to worry about it breaking down on the highway if you go over fifty. And its not a safety hazard like the ones you and Jake fixed up a while back."**_

_**A laughed a little, "Alright, but Charlie's going to wonder how I got it."**_

"_**I'll come by and explain the situation to him tomorrow or give him a call, he'll be fine with it."**_

"_**Thanks Sam."**_

"_**Don't worry about it, I think I owe you a little something after how much we've hounded you lately. Think of this as a peace offering."**_

_**I took my feet of the ground and pulled out onto the road, Jacob was walking down towards his house, he glanced over at me, his eyes blazing. I glared back knowing he couldn't see my eyes through the heavy visor. I avoided the urge to kick it up to eighty as I pulled out of the reservation and onto the highway, I was still hurting over Jacob's newest blunder, but I didn't need an accident on a motorcycle to make things worse.**_

_**Once I was at home I pulled the bike into the garage and went into the house. Charlie was sitting at the dinner table, looking horribly confused at to why I was home before nine, "What's up Bella? Jake said you'd be out late."**_

_**I shrugged, "I was cold, I didn't feel like being there for too long, I said hi to the guys, caught up with them a bit and came home."**_

_**I pulled out a yogurt and a banana from the fridge, "I'm going to go upstairs and relax for a bit before bed, goodnight."**_

"_**Night Bells."**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four:

Friday came quickly, with no sign of Jacob and Jessica was at my door to pick me up before I knew it. I jogged out to her car and got into the passenger's seat as she drove off to the city, "So where are we going for dinner?"

"How does the Buena Bistro sound? I'm so in the mood for Italian." Jessica said with a grin.

"Sounds good to me." My stomach rumbled in agreement, I couldn't help but laugh.

We ate like fiends, finishing off not only the huge bowl of salad that the waiter brought out to us, but also two baskets of breadsticks and all of our entrees. I leaned back in my chair a little, hoping I'd be able to walk without waddling after eating my weight in pasta and breadsticks, "That was really good, I haven't been here in forever."

"I know," Angela said, "Its normally packed here, I'm surprised."

I glanced out onto the street through the big window as I reclined to stretch before getting up, freezing on my reflection, still horrible pale from my three days in bed, "Hey guys?"

They paused in the middle of gathering up their purses and looked over at me, "Yeah?"

"I think I wanna get a haircut…"

"New look?" Jessica asked, "I did that too when I broke up with my first boyfriend. It helps a lot, trust me."

"Yeah, something like that…" I said distractedly.

"Well there's a salon a few stores over, wanna go now?"

"Yeah." Before I could change my mind.

Fifteen minutes later I was sitting in a salon chair, new washed hair hanging in long tendrils around my face. It nearly reached my stomach, when was the last time I'd cut it?

"So what were you planning on doing with it?" The hair dresser asked, scrunching certain parts of it up this way and that, trying to see from different angles. She was your typical brand of stylist, heavy makeup, bright purple hair that was done in a funky way and dressed in all black.

"Short, something short and drastic, I don't care what, I just want to look different." I said firmly.

"Alright, I think I can do that."

She pinned my hair up in layers, pulling out a comb and snipping lock after lock. I watched long chunks of hair fall to the floor around the chair and had to close my eyes, I didn't want to know what she was doing, I just hoped I still looked female when she was finished.

"Alright, you're done."

I coughed a little as the last sprits of hairspray was given to my hair. I turned to my friends first to gauge their reactions. Both dropped their jaws and stared. That was hardly ever a good sign…

I turned back to the mirror and gasped, my mouth mirroring theirs, "Holy God…"

My hair was dangerously short in the back and longer in the front, a chic sort of bob with fringed bangs. It was shorter than anything I'd ever done before…and I loved it. I grinned, looking back at Jessica and Angela, "Well?"

"I think you fell of a runway, I'm so jealous!" Jessica said, "You looked so plain Jane before but now your face actually has depth!"

Angela nodded in agreement.

I paid the hairdresser, giving her a good tip and walked out into the crisp, late autumn air with a lighter feeling in my chest, "I like it a lot."

"You should get some new make up, really do yourself up nice to go with the new look." Jessica said as we headed into the nearest clothing store.

"Nah, I don't think so, I'm not big on the whole make-up thing." Edward always liked my hair long, it was probably the reason I never got it cut…

We went clothes shopping after that, I got new shirts and jeans and some hoodies, determined to slowly weed out all of my dull, faded clothing. I found a lot of greens and purples I liked a lot, all without taking off my turtleneck, I hoped it all fit and didn't gain instant weight from eating all that pasta….

"Oh look, aren't these super cute?"

Me and Jessica turned to see Angela holding up a stuffed dog, "They're for charity, you buy one and the proceeds go to homeless children, we should do it!"

"All right."

I walked over and dug through the bin, finding a Pomeranian with amber eyes, "I think I like this one…"

Jessica got a husky and Angela bought a golden retriever. Along with the toys we got a brochure about the program we donated towards and its causes. I slid it into my bag and got into Jessica's car, "That was a lot of fun." I yawned so big I thought I was going to split my lips.

Jessica laughed, "I'm glad, its been so long since we got to hang out and the last time you were…distracted…" Her voice got quiet, her focus only on the road.

"Yeah but times have changed."

She shrugged, "We all go through it at one point or another, usually with the first boyfriend, I remember how it was for me too. Its just hard to watch someone else go through it too you know? Then it shows you what you were like, how absorbed you were."

"You're like that with every boy Jess, don't make light of the situation." Angela laughed from the back seat.

Jessica rolled her eyes, "Shut up Angela." But there was humor in her eyes.

"Basically what our blondie is trying to say is that it happens to the best of us and we're there for you." Angela offered with a grin.

I smiled though I knew they had no idea when I was going through…well other than the part about the dramatic teenaged break-up, I highly doubted their best friends were werewolves and they had a rabid female vampire after them. I thought back to Victoria…would she still want me dead knowing that Edward had abandoned me? Would she believe that he had left me all alone? Knowing my luck probably not, she'd think I was setting her up or something….

The lights were still on when I got home, it was only around nine, so Charlie was probably up watching a game or something, his routine really hasn't changed much since I've come to live with him…The door was unlocked so I walked in, shutting the door behind me, and got another look at myself in the mirror on the wall, "Holy…" Wow…I really looked like an entirely different person…

"You home Bella?" Charlie asked, coming into the kitchen, beer in hand.

"Yeah…"

He stopped at the fridge and did a double-take, hand slack on the handle, "Is there something going on in your life I should know about Bella?" He asked seriously, "There's plenty of people you can talk to if you need someone…"

I shook my head, "No I was out with Jessica and Angela and wanted to get a haircut, the hair dresser went a little shorter than I expected but I think it turned out okay. Why? You don't like it?"

"No its nice, I just haven't seen you with short hair since you were a little girl…" He scratched the back of his head, sometimes I wonder if he would have been more comfortable with a son…maybe I should magically acquire some hand eye coordination and try out for a sport…yeah right, when pigs fly. Some things would never change, no matter how badly I wanted to reinvent myself, I was still a klutz deep down.

"Thanks dad."

I walked the stairs to my room and put my shopping bags on my bed, walking over to my closet and pulling out all of the faded shirts that had been washed one too many times (Actually it was more like a thousand times too many but whose counting?) , the jeans I kept though, faded was one of those styles so as long as they didn't look too dingy they would work. I folded the old, drab clothes and set them on my computer chair to make room for my brighter clothes which lit up the closet considerably. No, I'm not saying I bought the rainbow or all neon, but just the fact that they were fresh colors on new clothes made them seem that much more vibrant.

But was my fashion Edward's fault? No, he'd always encouraged me to ask him for things when I needed them, I could have had a whole new wardrobe at the drop of a hat if I'd wanted to. I was just too absorbed in my life and too lazy to go out and get anything new..

I glanced at the pile I was giving away and around my room in general, I'm plain, boring and look like I belong in a thrift store…And I come from Arizona! Something is definitely wrong here…

I suppose the whole not wanting to come to Forks in the first place had something to do with my lack of effort to really make this room my own, and then getting caught up in my not so real love life didn't really help my concentration any. But now that I wasn't distracted I was going to try harder. I have a job, I have free time and now I have motivation…despite the terrible weather, and I'm going to do something about it.

I unpacked the clothes and organized them, using the bags to carry the old ones so I could drop them off at the homeless shelter on the way to school Monday morning. The last thing I pulled out was the stuffed dog I bought. I was going to just throw it in the bag to give to the homeless shelter but when I got a good look at it, it kind of reminded me of Jacob in a way…it had the same eyes….? (Yeah it was the same color and everything, but I felt kinda guilty that a stuffed Pomeranian reminded me of him, his pride would be seriously damaged should he ever find this out.) I thought about him and how I reacted to what happened on Wednesday, how I'd been avoiding him and how he'd been avoiding me and how I was totally and completely failing at rebuilding my relationship with my best friend because every time I try we get into a fight.

Jake is passionate by nature, he stands by his beliefs and its not often he apologizes or admits he's wrong. (I don't exactly like apologizing or admitting I'm wrong either but I think I'm just stubborn and have typical female moodiness syndrome.) So if I want to stop fighting with him I'm going to have to let some things slide or be willing to talk it out with him. I'm probably as prone to start screaming as he is but at least it'll be communication right?

"Well, maybe you'll be my peace offering…" I said aloud to the toy thinking better of it instantly, knowing Jacob would probably be offended that I was trying to quell his anger with a plush toy, "I'm naming you, just because I won't feel as bad talking to an inanimate object if I can name you…hmm…how about Styx? Oh why am I asking you, you can't talk back, I like it so its staying." I tossed the dog onto the bed and went into the bathroom to change for bed, I came back in a settled down under the covers, staring up at the ceiling, watching shadows of the occasional car pass by the window.

I felt around for Styx and picked him up by an ear, looking at him in the little light that came from the streetlamp near my window, "If I ever get a real pet, provided my life calms down enough to own one, I'm naming it Styx, don't ask me why…"

_Why are you talking to a stuffed animal? Close your eyes and go to sleep before you saying something else insane! My inner voice snapped. _

_She had a point, this was questionable behavior. I tossed the stuffed dog off of the bed and turned into my pillow so I could shut out all distractions and just let my mind go blank. Sleep was a welcomed calm amidst the chaos that was my life these past few days._

_By eleven o'clock the next morning I was speeding down the highway with my newly acquired motorcycle, loving the fact that I could go sixty-five without having to worry about it stalling like my truck. As much as I loved that thing, it had nothing on the exhilaration I felt actually going to speed limit._

_When I got to La Push, and elderly woman was standing by the road, motioning to me as I came closer. I stopped the bike and got off, removing my helmet to talk to her, "Can I help you?"_

"_Are you Bella Swan?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Very good, come with me."_

"_Why?"_

"_Don't question your elders." She said briskly and turned, leaving me no choice but to follow her away from the road towards a building that I assumed was her house. I rolled my bike along with me for safe keeping, standing it up against the side of her house._

"_Who are you?" I asked as I ducked through the doorway into her living room. She was a small woman, petite and graceful, with deep russet skin and dark ebony hair that was only starting to turn grey in a streak at the top of her head. Her eyes were hazel and sharp, looking at me, missing nothing._

"_My name is Claire Shadowfox, but you don't need to know anymore than that, I'm here to help you."_

_Okay, now I was confused, "Help you with what?"_

"_You feel helpless around the wolves, like you did with the pale ones. You feel small, insignificant, like a burden." Well when you put it that way…_

"_I may be able to make you more powerful."_

_Powerful? An image of the X-men popped into my head. As weak as I sometimes felt, I was so not into any black magic mutations or anything even remotely close to that, "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean, trying to tap into your powers."_

"_Powers?" I asked, almost choking on the word, "What are you talking about, I don't have any powers, I'm average in everyway, boringly so actually. Its sad really."_

"_Everyone has some level of power, whether we tap into it and try to hone it is another story entirely. Some people are gifted with great strength but never once try to use it. You attract powerful beings to you, so I think that means they can feel your strength."_

"_How do I use my powers? If I even have any?"_

"_Well the ancient ones cause our powers to manifest in different ways depending on the way we live our lives and the decisions we make, first we need to pray to the ancient ones for a sign."_

_Well this didn't sound corny at all, "Do you have any powers?" I asked._

"_I have the powers of healing and intuition, I'm a medicine woman." She said simply, "Now sit down on the ground and close your eyes."_

_I did as I was told, crossing my legs, I cracked an eye open when I heard her leave the room, looking around for anything fishy._

"_I said eyes closed!" She snapped from wherever she was, I immediately obliged._

"_Creeper…" I muttered under my breath._

"_I heard that!"_

_She came back into the room and stood in front of me, stooping down, "Take a deep breath."_

_I did as I was told, lilacs and sage assaulted my senses as I took a deep breath, "What is this?"_

"_It will help to purify your spirit and to bridge the connection with the ancestors." I heard the clank of the bowl as it was set down in front of me, against my shin so I knew that it was there, "Continue breathing it in, as that you get some sort of guidance."_

_Was she trying to get me high? I wondered as I took another deep breath of the smoke coming up from the bowl or pot or whatever it was that was burning. My head didn't get foggy as it might with some sort of drug, instead I felt my mind clear, the clutter of life slipping away slowly as I continued to breath slow and even._

_Please guide me, show me the way…It felt strange, praying to spirits I wasn't exactly sure existed. But this woman seemed convinced that they existed. But I was a girl who had dated a vampire and who was best friends with a werewolf. Who was I to say what supernatural beings existed and didn't?_

_I sat a little straighter and rested my hands on me knees, taking another breath of the sweet, hazy smoke. Please help me, I don't want to be helpless anymore, I want to be able to look out for myself and to protect those I love. I want to be able to live my life freely without worrying about who I'm going to put in danger next…._

_Suddenly the wind picked up, which was strange seeing as I was indoors. My newly chopped hair whipped into my eyes and I squinted to keep them shut, covering my face with my arms as the wind intensified, "What's going on?" I cried._

_When I didn't get a response I opened my eyes and the gusts died down. Claire was standing before me, eyes sharp. It looked like the wind had only been around me considering that the house was in perfect order and I was sporting some majorly windswept locks, "That was your sign. You have the affinity for wind. Your's is a life of change, the spirits have acknowledged this and blessed you with the powers to continue changing."_

"_How do you know my life is one of change?" I asked, blowing some hair out of my mouth. (Quite ungracefully might I add.) Anticipating some sort of wise woman mambo jumbo._

"_I can see it in your eyes, they're clearer, more determined."_

_Well, that wasn't exactly what I was expecting…._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five:

I wheeled my bike back out to the road, pulling on my helmet and starting up the bike, Jacob's house was settled further into the reservation and nothing was going to keep me from straightening things out with him. (Not even some medicine woman who claims I have special abilities.)

I still wasn't even sure what to think about what had happened at Claire's house. I had been inhaling some funny smelling stuff, even if she'd insisted it was only lilac and sage, used to cleans the spirit, how did I know that she didn't lace it with something? I may have imagined it all in my head, eager to believe that I had some sort of super natural ability even if it wasn't there.

I slowed down and rolled up Jacob's gravel driveway, standing the bike up and taking off my helmet, trying to use it as a mirror to smooth down my serious case of helmet hair mixed with windblown tangles. I adjusted my new leather riding jacket (I went out on a whim and bought it while I was out shopping, I couldn't resist, it made me feel kind off bad ass and everyone needs a little badassery in their life every now and again and it was extremely warm.), trying to make myself look like something other than a complete mess. Once I was satisfied with my appearance, I walked the rest of the way to the house.

Billy answered the door, his face stoic, "Bella." He greeted me.

"Hi Billy, is Jake home?"

"He's out back working in the shed."

"Okay thanks."

I turned and jogged around the side of the house to the garage where Jacob spent the majority of his free time, fixing up cars and motorcycles. Currently he was doing something to the thingy near the wheel of the tire of one of his motorcycles…(I speak good mechanic lingo don't I? You think I would have learned a thing or two by now.)

"Hey Jake."

He turned to glance in my direction and like so many others, did a double take, "Bella?"

"The one and only."

"You cut all of your hair off…"

"Um yeah…you like it?"

"It suits you." Was all he said before turning back to whatever he was doing with that wrench thingy…

I walked over and sat on a crate next to him, "I wanted to talk to you…Can we…start over?"

He gave me a side ways glance that said, "Huh?"

"Well…I know a lot of stuff has happened, and I was wondering if we could just stop all the fighting and yelling and go back to being best friends flinging water at each other in public restaurants and fixing up old motorcycles because we have some unspoken death wish and all of the stuff we used to do."

His amber eyes fixed into mine and for the longest moment he was completely silent. His gaze was filled with such intensity I honestly didn't know whether he was going to accept or not, "Alright."

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his hulking shoulders, giving him a gentle squeeze, "Thanks Jake."

He smiled a little and pushed me off, "Don't get mushy on me Bella."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine, be that way. I looked around the garage, searching for the radio, "Where is that boom box? God, I can't believe you still have a boom box, that's so nineties."

"Behind the big, red tool box over in the corner."

I set the small black CD player on the tool box and plugged it into the wall, trying to find a station that came in clearly. The only one I got was one of those poppy stations that plays the top forty songs in the US until you're so tired of them its not even funny. They really should expand their horizons to the top three hundred so songs didn't get old so fast. The song coming through the speakers was 3Oh!3's "Don't Trust Me".

Jake looked over at me, "What is this crap?"

"The esteemed music of the pale faces from Colorado known as 3Oh!3. And I happen to think that this song is catchy." Actually I found a lot of 3Oh!3 catchy, but I'd never admit that to Jacob.

"You would. There are CD's in the drawer over their if you wanna put something good on."

I walked over to the drawer and picked a CD at random, walking over to the CD player and putting it in. High-pitched guitars wailed out from the speakers. I jumped back in surprise, looking to Jacob with wide eyes, "What is this?"

"Avenged Sevenfold, Quil and Embry got me into them a couple years ago, they're not too bad."

"Right…"

Neither of us said much for a while, Jacob went back to fixing his bike and I listened to the CD in the background, eventually I found that I did enjoy the singer's raspy voice and the skilled, if not a little flashy, guitar solos. I turned my attention to Jake while he worked on the engine of the bike, watching his brow furrow in concentration as he poked and prodded at something I couldn't see from where I was sitting. It was amazing how careful and precise he was, barely sixteen and he was a better mechanic than most grown men. He glanced up and caught me staring, "What, something on my face?"

I shook my head, "No, just watching you work, it always fascinates me how you can put together a motorcycle without reading a manual and I can't even build a cabin out of linkin' logs without screwing something up."

He smirked a little, "You are pretty hopeless."

"I could learn." I said indignantly, "If I so chose."

"'If 'being the key word there."

"Don't make me knock over that bike and cause an oil spill." I warned, giving him a stern look.

"I'm twice your size, how are you going to knock it over while I'm standing next to it?"

"Who says you will be when I make my move?"

He gave me a wary look but stayed quiet. I stood up from the crate I was perched on and stretched, "What fun things are their to do once it starts snowing? Soon I'm gonna have to put my bike away and you shouldn't exactly cliff dive when the water is below freezing…"

He shrugged, "I guess it depends. There's snowboarding, skiing, sledding, snowball fights, movie marathons. I kinda just like walking around at night during a snow fall. Its kinda peaceful."

"That does sound like a good idea…" I agreed.

He finished up whatever he'd been working on and stood up, knees cracking in protest of being bent for such a long time. He looked outside and then back to me, "You should probably get home, Quil says there's a snow storm coming soon, you'd be stranded here with that bike."

I sighed reluctantly, "You have a point…"

I zipped my coat up to my chin and slipped on my riding gloves as I walked out to my bike, it was amazing how quickly I'd picked up the art of driving that speeding metal deathtrap now that I had a clear, focused head. I got onto my back and reached for my helmet, Jake followed me to the door, hanging back. He was completely unphased by the chilly weather in his jeans and t-shirt, sometimes I envied him and his ability to never get cold. I snapped the visor down over my eyes and revved the bike to life, he smirked and waved. I gave a small salute before I tore out of his driveway, spinning up gravel and dirt as I made it to the highway. All around me the sky was white, the promise of a snowstorm hung thick in the air. I was lucky that I left when I did because by the time I got home the snow was coming down pretty hard.

I pulled my bike into the garage, setting the helmet on the shelf to wait out the winter. Some part of me was going to miss riding the bike, I hoped spring came soon, as impossible as that was. Charlie pulled into the driveway as I was hanging up my coat on the hook. I pulled my turtle neck into place and fixed my hair as I ran upstairs to grab my laptop.

"Hey Bells, have a good day?" He asked as I opened the computer and put on some music, "Yeah, went to hang out with Jake and ride my bike one last time before the storm. Got home just in time."

"You and Jake talking again?"

"Yeah, you know us." I said with a shrug.

"Well that's good."

"How'd you know we weren't talking?"

"Well, Billy said Jake was acting mopey, and so were you so I figured you'd gotten into some sort of fight. I swear you two are like a couple of five year olds sometimes. The smallest things set you off." He hung up his coat and gun belt, "I'm gonna go change, you want some help with dinner when I'm done?"

"Yeah that'd be great." I said distractedly, rummaging through the fridge and pulling out whatever I could find to make for dinner.

He came down a few minutes later and I handed him a bowl full of lettuce, "Cut up tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots to put into the salad."

"That I can do." He set to work while I popped the pork chops into the oven, doing my girl-got-no-rhythm dance.

Charlie listened to my Three Days Grace CD for a minute before looking over to me, "Since when do you like this kind of music?"

I shrugged, "I always have, I just never really listened to it that often, but I've been in a very music oriented mood lately."

It didn't take long for us to have dinner on the table and almost as soon as we had started eating we were done, the table was cleared and I offered to do the dishes so Charlie could catch some down time before bed and watch some football.

I sang along to the music quietly with my less than melodic voice. I could carry a tune, but not well enough to want to be heard, and hopped around in my sorry excuse for dancing I found so much fun. I finished the dishes and took the computer up to my room, turning up the volume and changing into some sweatpants and a tank top, getting really into an epic bridge and belting it out while playing the air guitar, thrashing my hair like a pro.

"Trying to be the next Slash Bella?"

I yelped, almost tripping on Styx, who I'd thrown to the floor the night before. Jacob laughed and caught my wrist before I could topple to the floor, "Easy Bella, it's just me."

"How did you get in here? You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Charlie let me in, I'm on patrol in this area in a bit so I thought I'd come waste some time at your house."

"And Charlie doesn't find it strange that you stopped by?"

"Nah, I said my friends were in town and I wanted to come along and say hi." He looked at my neck, which was now little more than an angry red line since I'd been so good about keeping up with it, "That's looking better." He said distractedly.

"Yeah, soon I won't have to wear turtlenecks all the time." I said wistfully.

I sat down on my bed and crossed my legs, Jake sat down across from me, kicking off his shoes and doing the same, "Are we gonna paint each other's toe nails now?" I asked excitedly.

He rolled his eyes, "Of course."

"So, have you found anything on Victoria?" I asked, getting serious.

"She's been showing up now and then, we think she's scouting you out so we have someone watching the house, you and Charlie at all times, especially with this stormy weather, its easy to make death look like an accident when the roads are treacherous."

"Yeah, I can see how she would use something like that to her advantage.

"Don't worry, we're on top of it."

I nodded, but I didn't like the thought of being followed by a wolf at all time much more than I liked thinking about when Victoria was going to choose to show her lovely face again, "I'm not worried."

He gave me a look, those intense eyes burning into mine again, he had an uncanny habit of doing that, "If you say so."

"Trust me, I don't scare so easily anymore."

"And I'm beginning to think that's a bad thing."

"Why's that?"

"Fear keeps you cautious, you never let your guard down."

"Are you afraid?"

He radiated confidence and it looked like his chest even puffed out a bit as he said, "No, but I've got a defense against her, you she could snap like a twig."

"I do believe you've been snapped by a vampire like a twig before if memory serves."

Pain washed over his face, followed by anger, "Never again."

Yeah, well if I had anything to say about it, I wasn't going to be helpless much longer, once I figured out how to use these powers. _Yeah, you tripped Jacob and now you think you can take on a powerful, homicidal vampire? Are you trippin' on acid or something? My inner voice screamed. God, she'd been so quiet up until then I'd almost forgot the existed…almost._

_Jake looked out the window, I could tell he was communicating with the other wolves, "I've gotta go switch Paul out. I'll see you later."_

_I stood up and gave him a quick hug as he turned to leave, "Be careful, that vampire chick's a bitch."_

"_Believe me I know. Don't worry, we'll get her."_

_He gave me a gentle squeeze, I reveled in his warmth before he left. I tucked myself under the covers and closed my eyes, tomorrow I was going to play around with my powers and see what I could do with them. I certainly hopped tripping up tall, defenseless boys wasn't the extent of my power. _


End file.
